Participating in an online dating forum has been a fascinating experience because profiles are specifically tailored to enhance a person's image, even more overtly than something like Facebook. The difference is motive--people are inclined to represent themselves in an idealistic way to attract a partner. I have become fascinated by the thought that people are skewing their identity subconsciously, much in the way that people cannot objectively see their reflection in a mirror.
I personally had difficulty describing myself, because I had never been taught to write so candidly about myself. There isn't a portion of the profile to represent any pitfalls or problems you may have... until it comes to the personality questions. The most disturbing question I have answered so far, was: If, by causing a car accident, your partner suffered horrible injuries, and they resented you for them, would you continue a relationship with them? Answering questions helps OkCupid's program to assess your compatibility with other members. I wonder how accurate the questions are, and if I would truly be attracted to people that OkCupid suggests. Physical attraction is, of course, not accounted for in the percentage they assign between you and another member as either: Match, Friend, or Enemy. I firmly believe this information is vital, despite the website's assertion that attraction isn't nearly as important (surely, it's not the only thing, but I believe this information should come first.
Another issue is misrepresentation though the use of outdated pictures. I have often encountered a profile that has drastically more glamorized pictures than those which appear on their corresponding Facebook. My sister, an avid user of dating websites (she actually married a man she met on OkCupid), attests to many dates with men that had gained weight or aged significantly since the pictures they chose for a profile. This deceit is a common fear people have about dating websites, and is one difference between meeting people online and meeting them in person. People still lie and deceive about personality when meeting in person, so the difference is that when online you can employ an edited/outdated photo or even a picture of someone else to delay a potential mate seeing your genuine appearance.
It's interesting how SNSs and online dating sites amp up the whole impression management dynamic of interpersonal relations. We are creating alternate versions of ourselves that come closer to approximating our personal ideals than our 'real' selves ever could. But when we look at someone else's profile, we are looking for truth, realism, accuracy. Or at least some degree of it. From what you say here, it seems like a good piece of advice to give anyone wanting to use a dating site would be to not look at profiles as accurate indicators of a person's real self, but rather to look at them as accurate indicators of that person's ideals. The ability to critically read and evaluate SNS profiles is just another skill we're all going to need as our online and offline lives become ever more integrated.
ReplyDeleteYou could draw a parallel here with someone going to a party or going downtown, though as well. I don't dress the same when going to party as I do when I, say, go to class or to the grocery store. It is all about creating a persona. A girl might wear a shorter skirt or tighter top at a party to create an certain image, whereas the same girl might wear an over-sized tee-shirt and glasses to class on Monday, completely altering her appearance.
ReplyDeleteThis is the same concept with putting a "better" or "thinner" picture of yourself online. I admit that I do this, too. If I have a plethora of new pictures, I sift through them to find the "best" one to make my profile picture. Though I do understand that it is harder to, say, lose twenty pounds than it is to put on some make-up and a short skirt.
Sounds like ok cupid is rather in depth with its questions. Posting false pictures has been a problem since internet chatrooms first popped up some 10 years ago. there's really no feasible way to ensure that they are actually current or even the same person. you can easily photoshop and manipulate pictures today and just as easily put in false data for your questionare answers. The problem with online dating is that you can entirely shape how a person views you especially since it has more personal information than say facebook does. that being said if an outdated photo is the worst problem you have when meeting someone from an online dating site then thats pretty good.
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